One Week In

Today is my first solo day with four kids.

I keep remembering that I have four kids now, and feeling blown away by the fact of it.  How did this happen?  It really sneaked up on me.  It seems like just yesterday that I came home from the hospital with baby Sly.  And my kids have all been born just about two years apart, which doesn't seem like a crazy pace (unlike my grandmother's, who had her eight kids in ten years!), but somehow, we've already hit four.

When we're out of the house, older parents often look at our children wistfully and tell us "it goes by so fast."  For a while, I think I was too caught up in the thick of things to really be aware of the truth of that statement, but suddenly, it's really starting to hit me.  It's all going by so fast!

Tom amazingly managed to pull off a week of paternity leave from work, and my mother-in-law was also visiting until yesterday.  So the transition to becoming a family of six was definitely smoothed out a bit.

But as for today, and having to deal with the daily tedium of caring for so many young children, I'm managing so far,

I was worried the older kids would have an especially rough day today since they're coming off a  full week of exciting visits from friends and family, and a very jumbled schedule.

Stella fell asleep at the dinner table last night.  That's what a new baby in the family + daylight savings time can do to you, I guess

This was Sly at lunch today, upset because he didn't want to eat the tuna noodle casserole that he wouldn't finish at breakfast.....that he wouldn't finish at dinner the night before.  Yes, we're those parents.

But we're making it through.  It helped that we didn't have to go anywhere this morning, and I could just jump back into our former routines.  I've been working really hard to keep my attitude in check today.  Because I know myself well enough to realize that once I let myself lose my patience with the kids once, it becomes that much easier to lose it again and again.

We "did school" today for the second time all month.  I'm not going to waste time feeling guilty about it, because, hey - I was nine months pregnant/newly postpartum for that whole time!  And what's homeschooling all about, if not the ability to be flexible and adjust things to your own family life?

Ever-pleasant Linus, peeling his clementine into the trash

A number of friends and people from church have offered to bring us meals over these next few weeks, which will be so helpful for me.  Obviously, providing meals to a new mother is useful in a material sense (i.e. there is a meal already sitting in my fridge for me, mostly prepared and ready to go), but I'm especially appreciating what it does for me mentally (i.e. the sheer freedom of not having to worry about what I'll make for dinner or whether I'll have to drag four kids out to the supermarket for something relieves so much potential stress).  Seriously - if you know anyone expecting a new baby, try to bring them a meal!

My Flora - what a doll baby!

I think I may consider easing back into more regular blogging.....I have a birth story that I owe it to Flora to write down, at any rate.  And the photos on my header and side bar are in sore need of an update!

Roughing It in the Cold

Well, winter weather is starting to set in for sure.  When I climbed out of bed this morning, there was a bit of snow on the ground (not as much as they got in Western New York - have you seen the pictures?!), and my little weather station told me it was 13° outside...and only 56° in my bedroom.  Oy.

At time of writing...

 We've been keeping our thermostat set to 62° to save money on natural gas.  But in an old house with literally no insulation in the walls (I did not realize this until Tom informed me of it the other day.  Apparently, in the 1920s, there was little need for insulation in houses, since coal was so cheap - and probably especially so here, as we live in coal country - and you could always just throw another shovel in to the furnace to make it warmer...), the upper floors never even get that high.  

There's a Facebook group I'm part of, and one of the women recently asked what temperature everyone kept their thermostats set to in the winter.  There were dozens of responses, ranging as high as 72°.  The average seemed to be between 65° and 68°.  Only one person I saw kept theirs lower than us: at 60°, and she said she lived in Vermont so maybe she's just used to the cold...? 

Here, we spend the days wrapped in several sweaters, thick socks with down-filled slippers on top, and scarves and hoods as needed.  Sometimes I even sleep wearing a hat.  My body maintains a low level of constant shivering.

Anyways, if I thought my room was cold this morning, it felt like a veritable sauna compared to the attic.  I went up there to wake Sly, and could hardly stand how cold it was.  You can see your breath up there!  Poor kid. The ducting just has no warm air left to give by the time it reaches the one tiny floor vent that's supposed to service the whole third floor - and that's after we've selectively closed off several of the vents in "unnecessary" rooms below, such as the bathroom....brrrr!

Tom and I have been brainstorming about measures we can take to help keep it a bit warmer in the house/cheaper to heat.  He's partially through with covering the windows with plastic, and using spray foam insulation along the drafty bits in the foundation in the basement.  Hopefully that helps a bit.  And he found a tutorial for how to strategically add insulation to the specific type of attic shape we have.

As much as I want to complain about how cold it is here - and I think I pretty much spent a whole blog post doing just that! - I keep reminding myself that in terms of human history, we are so lucky to be enjoying a house that's as warm as it is during the winter.  Even into the Victorian period, many people had to close up the majority of their houses during the winter, living in just a room or two, huddled around a common hearth.  And insulation or no, I know our house is much toastier than the little loft where the Ingalls girls slept in the Little House books!

Quilting Inspiration - Embrace the Ordinary (Vol. 2)

Yesterday during Mass, I was standing back in the narthex holding a cranky toddler, and I found myself staring down at the tiled floor and admiring the designs the tile-layers had created. 

I know, I should have been attempting to hear what was going on in the church.  Instead, my mind began to wander as I thought about ways to translate the design to a different medium.  I was thinking how one of the tiled sections in particular might be a good starting point for a quilt I've been toying with the idea of making.  We have a bunch of no-longer used flannel receiving blankets sitting around (three kids in, I've discovered the wonderful Aden + Anais blankets, and I'm never going back!).  I'm thinking that instead of getting rid of the old blankets, maybe I could turn them into a cute baby quilt for someone.

When Mass was over, I grabbed my (new birthday gift from Tom!) camera, and snapped a picture of the floor.

Since I'm still very new to quilting, though, I'm not sure how well previously-used fabrics turn out in a quilt.  The blankets have probably shrunk as much as they're going to, so I don't think I'd get that nice puckered look in my finished quilt.  Anyone have experience with this?

Thanks to Gina and Theresa for hosting Embrace the Ordinary

Embrace the Ordinary (Vol. 1)

Gina at Someday (hopefully) They'll Be Saints started a great new link-up: Embrace the Ordinary [thank you, Theresa, for making me aware of it].

I started blogging partially as a way to document and hold myself accountable in my attempts to"embrace the ordinary".  So this is right up my alley.

I love what Gina says about the link-up

"I have a feeling that the more we embrace the ordinary, the more we find wonder and joy in our day to day, the more we take on the struggles and grow through them, the more we’ll find God in our days."

 ***

One little slice of beautiful ordinariness came earlier today.  Sly asked to use the scissors to cut something, and I offered to let him pick out a fun "cutting practice" sheet on the computer.  He chose one with spiders we found for free on a homeschooling site.  Then Stella wanted something to do herself, so I printed off a coloring sheet with a pig from the same packet.

I set them up at the little kid table, and they both got right to work.  It was so nice to see them interested and attentive (and quiet!).  Sly cut mostly on the lines, and Stella knew to pick the color pink for her pig.  Such little achievements, but they made me very proud.

Stella wanted Peter Rabbit and Kitty to join them at the table

It'd be great if it's this easy to get them interested when we start homeschooling "for real", but I'm sure things won't always look quite like this :-)

Our Mothers Day Tradition

Mothers Day (or is it Mothers' Day?) is coming up this Sunday, so I thought I'd share one of the ways our family observes it each year.

When Sly was a baby, Tom told me about a nice tradition from his family.  His paternal grandparents had fourteen children (!).  Every year, the family all gathered out on the front porch, and had a photo taken.  Tom remembers visiting his grandparents' home as a young child, and seeing years' worth of those yearly family photos, all framed and lined up on the wall chronologically.  He talked about how neat it was to see the family grow and change each year.  We immediately decided that we should start up the same tradition ourselves.

We put our camera on the tripod, set the timer, and snapped our first photo right then.

2011

We realized that we'd have a better chance of remembering to take the picture each year if we associated it with a specific date.  Since Mother's Day had occurred a few days earlier, that became our official family photo day.

2012

2013

(These might look familiar to the five or so people who have been following this little blog since its inception, since these are all my past header images.)

I love that we're taking these pictures each year.  And I think there's something appealing to the "homemade" aspect of them - we don't have to worry about dressing up or hiring a professional photographer each year.  We just set up the tripod and go - come-as-you-are.  And having my family indulge me once a year and sit down for this photo (okay, I won't lie, we take about ten shots, and I choose the one I like best!) is truly one of the greatest Mothers Day gifts I can think of.

My only wish is that we had thought to start it our first year together, when it was just Tom and I.  That would really kick off the photo series well.  I may just print out a wedding photo in the same size, and add it at the beginning of the line. 

I'm so excited to see how this year's picture turns out.  We'll have a new front porch and a new addition to the family!  If anyone likes this idea, feel free to steal it and start the tradition in your own families.  It's never too late!  And I'd love to see how your picture turns out :-)

On Barely Getting By

A recent post on Shoved To Them has been running through my mind all day.  In it, Rebecca (a.k.a "The Mom") seethes over how expensive it has become just to survive.  Lately, I've found myself adjusting and readjusting numbers in our budget, trying to make things "work".  And I was finding it harder and harder to find the money for the things we needed.  I was aware that the cost of things like gasoline had definitely gone up, but it didn't all sink in until I read this post, and realized that it's happening everywhere: living costs for everything are getting way more expensive, but people are still making the same amount of money as before.

And I don't really know what we can do about it.  Since getting married, and especially since Sly was born and we were determined to have me stay home with him - I've had to learn so much about being frugal and getting by with much less than I was used to.

 ****

We've cut down our spending in so many ways:

We don't buy anything new if we can reasonably get it second-hand instead.  Or sometimes we make it ourselves, as in the case of one of our baby gate on the basement stairs....made out of wood Tom scavenged from somewhere.

When something breaks or is no longer usable, we scavenge it for parts before throwing it away.  Tom removes the screws and bolts from furniture (and keeps the wood as scrap), saves the wires and cords from electrical things, I remove buttons from unwearable clothes (and then cut them into rags).  Seriously. Nothing goes in the trash that is not actually trash.

We use cloth diapers, baby wipes, napkins, and rags.  We don't buy any paper products anymore except toilet paper (and I'm really working on my husband to agree to switch to cloth for that as well!)

I haven't bought anything "fun": new clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc., since we were married...except a few things which I purchased with birthday money from my mother-in-law (with the strict instruction that I MUST spend it on myself).

The thick black or brown tights I live in all winter (I mostly wear skirts, remember) have had at least five holes sewn up on every pair.  Same with socks and gloves.  I'd love some fresh ones, but we can't afford it. 

I do as much grocery shopping as possible at Aldi (which has the cheapest prices, hands-down, for almost everything).  The items I can't find there, I get at one of three other places (based on where it's cheapest), and always generic, if possible.  I only buy meat when it's on a BOGO sale or otherwise very inexpensive, and I severely ration my meat-loving husband's portion sizes of it.  I've had to learn how to cook various new (read: cheap) cuts of meat (it usually involves some combination of lots of marination, pounding it with the meat hammer, and cooking it for a really long time).  I make most of our meals from scratch and without elaborate ingredients.  We eat leftovers for lunch, or something cheap like ramen.

We save all gift bags and tissue paper we're given for re-use.  We make our own greeting cards out of pictures we cut from magazines (given to us free), because they cost too much to buy.  We are shameless re-gifters.

We wash out plastic baggies and pieces of aluminum foil to reuse them.  I save the envelopes we get with our bills and mail other things in them (we pay the bills online, to save the price of the stamp).  Tom brings home scrap paper from the office, and we use the blank side to print things on.

As much as we love our cats, we've talked about how we kind of wish we didn't have them, so we didn't have to buy their food and litter every month.  They do not get taken for check-ups at the vet.

We use our contact lenses way longer than you're supposed to, so we only use the paid-for-by-insurance pairs.  We got our eyeglasses for $10 a pair (frames and prescription lenses!) at Zenni.  Shampoo, conditioner, etc. comes from the dollar store.

Tom either walks or rides his bike to his job downtown, so we don't have to pay for gas/parking, or buy a monthly bus pass.

We don't have air conditioning for the summer, and we keep the thermostat at a frigid 62.5° in the winter, which is the coldest I can stand (because, of course, the house feels much colder than that).

We canceled our newspaper subscription.  We don't get cable (well, technically we have "basic cable" which means essentially the networks + 3 home shopping networks + PBS+ EWTN.  But only because it's strangely cheaper to have internet with cable).

We get the cheapest cell phones possible and only when our 2-years are up and it's almost free (and, I'm a little embarrassed to admit, we're each still on our own family's "family plan", so don't actually pay the phone bills on those...).  We don't have smartphones, a laptop, a tablet, an e-reader, etc.  We listen to vinyl records we buy at the thrift store, or music on the (old desktop) computer.

If we ever go to the movies - which is basically never - we only go to the dollar theater.  And only when we can get free babysitting from parents.  We don't go out to eat.  We don't order pizza.  We never have beer or wine in the house anymore.  We don't pay for admission to the zoo, the science center, etc. (we wait for the occasional "free days"). 

 ****

And there are so many other little things like this.  We've already tightened our belts so much.  I don't think there's a lot more we can do.  (Seriously, what more can we do?  If you have ideas, tell me, because I need them!)

My husband is a hard worker.  He's a very good and honest employee and does his job well.  But he still doesn't make a ton of money, and besides, it's hard these days to support a family on a single salary.  He studied history, philosophy, and anthropology in college.  It's not like he can get a job in his actual "field".  He hates the corporate world, but that's where he is, and we need him to keep making the money.  Once you have a family, you can't just start over again in an entry-level position in some other field.  He talks about maybe finding a second job, but we haven't found anything that would work for the family yet.  I wish I were an interesting enough writer to make money through blogging, or crafty enough to sell stuff on Etsy or something...but I'm just not.  And even so, I don't know if I would have the time/mental sanity to be the mom and wife I want to be and also take on a part-time job.

For the most part, we've accepted being broke, and understand that it's probably helping us to become more holy.  But sometimes I just wish I could get a coffee at a coffee shop with friends every now and then, and not feel guilty about it.  I wish we could invite people over for dinner without worrying about all the extra mouths to (pay to) feed.  I wish we could get invited to a wedding, and actually feel happy about it, instead of getting all stressed out about the gift we'll have to buy.

So anyways, reading that blog post was reassuring in some ways.  We're not the only ones feeling this financial crunch!  It really is hard to get by.  But at the same time, it was pretty discouraging to realize that.  I mean, if it was an issue of something we were doing wrong, then we could change things and hope for a better situation.  But if if we're already doing all we can and it's not working, then....what?

In a Funk

The past few weeks have really dragged on. Sly and I are stuck inside most of the day, and are getting major cabin fever. The weather's just too cold most days to take him outside. Tom keeps insisting that there is plenty we could do. He's always telling me to go to the mall. First of all, going to stores gets boring real fast if you know you can't buy anything anyways. Plus, all the effort involved in going out of the house and lugging around a fussing baby all afternoon is something I try to do only when necessary!

I don't know too many other stay-at-home moms to hang out with, and I don't want to intrude too often on the ones I do. I am involved in a Catholic Moms Group which is actually really great and plans frequent activities and outings. But most of them are for older kids....or they start too early for us. That's another thing that's been making the days a drag. Sly and I don't wake up until 10:00 most mornings. By the time I've been able to shower, dry my hair, change myself, change the baby, feed myself, feed the baby...it's already noon! I hate that feeling of the day being half over by the time you're even ready for it! And yet I feel so tired in the morning that I can't imagine pulling myself out of bed any earlier (seriously, does nursing tire you out? I feel like ever since Sly was born, I've needed major amounts of sleep). I think both of us need an earlier bedtime. Sly goes to sleep at 10pm, and me....1:30am. When the heck did this new pattern get established? And why? It's just been these past couple of weeks.

And to add to all this, Tom has been putting in major amounts of overtime at work. It's nice, because he's getting paid for it. But it's hard not having him home until late every day. Dinner gets pushed until 8:00 or later, and I don't like eating that late. And when Tom does get home, he's mentally exhausted from his job, and doesn't even really want to have a conversation. I feel like I'm not getting the adult interaction that I need. I spend most of the day alone with Sly, trying to figure out new ways to entertain him that are at least not mind-numbingly boring or repetitive for myself. We both just really need a change of scenery. Or company.

Don't let anyone tell you that being a stay-at-home mom is an easy thing. I definitely would never trade it for going back to work or school. And I do feel very grateful for having the ability to be home for my son, and so that I can take care of the house. But wintertime can make you feel tethered down sometimes.

My goal is going to be to start getting to bed earlier, and to try to make morning Mass at least a couple times a week. That will not only help provide a needed spiritual refreshment, but will also get us out of the house, and give us a welcome change in our routine :-)

Ugh. Sorry this whole post was mostly one big long complaint. But yay for Punxsutawny Phil predicting an early Spring this year, huh?

False Humility

Ok, so this post is rather personal. But I hope that in sharing, others might be helped to recognize similar failings within themselves and be able to start rooting them out. Also, I'd like to ask any readers to offer a few prayers that I may grow to be humble in spirit, and not just in lifestyle...

As I mentioned in a previous post, Tom and I are renting the house we live in now, and recently renewed the lease for another year. It wasn't exactly what we wanted to do, but we pay so little for this place, and we still can't afford to pay any more than what we do. Recently, I have noticed the same sort of phrases creeping into our conversations. Remarks like, "ugh - I can't wait until we have a bigger living room, so we can actually invite people over sometimes" or "it will be so nice one day to have a backyard we can actually do stuff in" or "I really wish we had a linen closet for all these towels." Just lots of wishful thinking. By simply paying attention to the way we discuss our house, I've realized that we've been fooling ourselves. We really aren't content with what we have. That's a dangerous way to live. But I think in our case, it was an especially needed wake-up call. Because too often, I think we tend to pride ourselves on how well content we are with living in more humble circumstances than we really want to. But see, that's just it - if the whole time we are wanting for more, than we were really never experiencing true humility to begin with.

It's true that money is tight right now. But just because we live - in some regards - in a humble manner (purchasing a lot of things second hand, renting a cheap house in a cheap neighborhood, repairing instead of replacing)...it doesn't necessarily make us humble. True humility means being not only satisfied with little, but also....well, I guess being thankful for that little that you have. To be aware that you are dependent on God for everything.

And of course, being humble doesn't just refer to having or not having a lot of money. Even wealthy people can be truly humble. But I bring it up in the context of material wealth/objects because I think it's an area in which I sometimes perceive myself to have humility, when in reality, I probably do not.

I have noticed myself too often tempted to feel PRIDEFUL about my "humility" (two words which are exactly opposite!). To actually think I am somehow better than other people who spend more money on things than we do. Maybe I'm being a bit hard on myself, but I wonder if sometimes the comments we make to our friends about how we snagged a great deal on something at a thrift store, or how we can't afford to move yet this year are actually some weird way of almost bragging about how good we can be at "living humbly"? Perhaps some people do spend more than they should, or they do value material objects too much. But that's not for me to judge. It's obvious that I must not truly be content with our lifestyle, if I can't be fully content with others having higher living standards than we do.

I've noticed this recently in regards to baby objects. It's amazing how many products and furnishings are designed especially for babies. And yeah, people could probably get by without most of these. But at the minimum, I think most parents will probably want: a crib, a cradle/bassinet, a changing table, a dresser to keep baby clothes, a highchair, a stroller, a car seat, and of course clothes and blankets. In addition to that, they might want a bookshelf for kid books, any of the moving baby devices: swing, bouncy chair, walker/jumparoo, a baby tub, an assortment of toys and books, and any number of other little things for hygeine, safety, etc.. If everyone bought all those things, and bought them new, they would have to spend a FORTUNE. And what kills me is that a lot of parents do. I know for a fact that if people are willing to look, and willing to accept something secondhand, they can get a lot of baby items for dirt cheap. And every time I see other parents buying top-of-the-line strollers or brand-new matching baby furniture sets for over a thousand dollars, I automatically think less of them. I know I shouldn't. But this is exactly the false humility I'm talking about. I wonder if there's also an element of jealousy to the pridefulness...

In the past few days, I've been trying to attack these prideful feelings in small ways. I had a talk with Tom about the dangers of our wishful thinking, and about how just because we try to save money and get good deals on things we can't let ourselves think less of those who don't do the same.

I also realized that I was never really "putting my all" into my housework, simply because I knew that this house is just temporary. I mean, I've always been good about doing laundry and dishes, and those day-to-day things. But scrubbing out the bathtub good and hard? Dusting the baseboards or deep-cleaning the floors? Why would I want to waste my time and energy on a rental? I'll save that for my future home - a place we own. I've realized that this was, of course, only ADDING to my discontent with the current place. As a wife, and especially as one who has chosen to stay home and not work full-time (thus being, by definition, a "housewife"), I truly believe it is a part of my Vocation to care for my home - to keep it clean and welcoming and comfortable. And I see now that I haven't been letting myself think of this place as truly "home," and therefore have not valued it for what it is. It doesn't matter whose name is on the ownership papers. Wherever a family lives and loves - there is Home. [someone should quote me on that! ;-)]

So I've now been going to town on the scuffed-up walls (with my awesome Mr. Clean Magic Erasers), scrubbing the back of the toilet, wiping down the lightswitch plates...all the little tasks I expected to save for my "real home." Because for now, this is my real home, and taking care of it is one way I can serve my family. And besides, if I don't get into these habits of thinking and acting now, I may find myself never wanting to live up to my duties.

Why I Decided to Start Blogging

Inspired by the many interesting and inspirational blogs I've recently been reading on homemaking, housewifery, motherhood, etc., I've decided to start one of my own. I doubt I'll have more interesting ideas or stories to share than so many of the other women who are so much ahead of me in figuring out this whole thing: how to live a purposeful life of serving God and serving others through a Vocation to marriage and motherhood.

I live a fairly ordinary life. I live in a small rented house with my husband and my baby and our two cats. I have varied interests (in music, crafting, etc.), but no strong talents in anything, really. I am a "retired" high school biology teacher (I really only worked for one year), transitioning into a full-time housewife/stay-at-home-mom. But I still do some part-time tutoring on the side, to bring in some money (and keep my mind sharp!). I pray for the blessing of a large family someday, and God willing, intend to homeschool my kids. I know we'll never have a lot of money to spare - I don't expect that we'll ever make the same income our parents did - but I'm okay with that. I think it will ultimately be good for us, and especially for me, to have to give up some of my attachment to "things."

I think accepting an ordinary life is the first step. Giving up your dreams of having a high standard of living, or being the family who gets to travel to cool places, or building up a prestigious career. I'm fine being normal and relatively unknown. The hard part comes when you realize - as I recently have - that it takes more than this to attain holiness. Living in a humble manner is one thing, but actually BEING humble is quite another. It means accepting your "littleness" but loving and serving in a very big way.

I look for inspiration, firstly, to the Holy Family, of course, and to the Blessed Mother who lived this out perfectly. As St. Louis De Montfort says of her in the Preliminary Remarks of his True Devotion to Mary, "Her humility was so profound that she had no inclination on earth more powerful or more constant than that of hiding herself, from herself as well as from every other creature, so as to be known to God only."

Another beautiful example of living extraordinarily, even amidst ordinary life circumstances, is the Martin Family, that which produced St. Thérèse. The parents, Louis and Zelie, were saints themselves who provided such a powerful witness to their daughters of how to serve God through their ordinary lives and actions, it is not surprising that all of their (surviving) children went on to join the convent.

As this blog develops, I expect it will be mostly a collection of random happenings, observations, and thoughts about the random things I encounter as I learn how to be a better wife, mother, and daughter. But I hope throughout, my strivings to better emulate the Saints will be apparent.