How to Travel with a Large(ish) Family

We planned a stop at Sunday Mass in the middle of a long drive back home, which is why Sly's in a bow tie!

As soon as baby #4 was born, we started encountering a frustrating problem.  Most hotels would no longer allow us all to stay in one room, because it's against the fire codes to fit more than five people.  Booking two rooms for the night was too expensive and seemed like way too much of a hassle.  Not all hotels offer suites, and if they do, they're too expensive as well.

But we had a handful of out-of-town weddings to go to recently (and yes, our kids were invited!), so we started looking around for cheaper alternatives.  We decided to check out Airbnb, which we only had a vague understanding of at the time.  And let me tell you, we are never going back!

We've now stayed at four different Airbnb rentals with the whole family, and even the least nice of those was so much better than staying at a hotel (and I promise, they aren't offering me anything to promote them - this is just me, wanting to sharing some advice).  We've paid between $80-110 per night, which is definitely comparable to the cost of a hotel room.  But the amazing part is that with an Airbnb, you're getting multiple rooms.  I especially recommend looking for a place where you have the entire house or apartment to yourself, to avoid the awkwardness of having to share space with your host.  If there's a kitchen too, you can save a ton of money by not having to eat out for all your meals.

How it used to look when we stayed in hotels: We're all crowded into one room with not much to do besides watch tv, or let the kids jump incessantly from bed to bed.  When the kids' bedtime arrives, we tuck them all together into one of the queen-sized beds, turn out the lights, and pray they won't fight over the covers or mess around for too too long.

All the lights need to be off, and a quiet atmosphere maintained to encourage the kids to actually sleep.  But Tom and I don't want to just sit around silently in the dark, and we're nowhere near tired enough yet for sleeping ourselves.  So we huddle in the bathroom with the door shut.  One of us sits on the toilet lid, and one of us on the edge of the tub.  We might crack some beers, and talk in whispers, occasionally taking turns to go out and yell at the kids to stop messing around, because they aren't used to sharing a bed and the novelty of the experience is just too much for them to handle.  Once or twice, we've done the old cell-phones-as-baby-monitors trick, and sneaked down to the hotel bar for twenty minutes, but I always felt way too paranoid doing that.

Eventually, we get bored and uncomfortable, and force ourselves to go to bed much earlier than we'd like....because there's literally nothing else to do.

How it looks at an Airbnb: Just like at home!  When it's bedtime for the kids, we tuck them into beds - usually individual beds, since there are often multiple bedrooms - turn out the lights, and shut the doors.  And then Tom and I have the run of the house where we can leave all the lights blazing if we want, have normal-volume conversation, watch tv, or just do whatever we like until as late as we want!  And in the morning, we can cook our own breakfast and coffee, or eat cereal at a table with milk from the fridge.

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The other great discovery we made in the past year about traveling involves eating meals during long road trips.  Fast food from rest stops gets really tedious - and expensive - after a while.

Also, last summer when we replaced our old mini-van with a slightly nicer old mini-van (which had been kept pristine inside and out by the previous owner), we made a new rule for our kids: absolutely no eating in the car, EVER.  They can have water in an unspillable cup, and that's it.  No exceptions.  It was tough to adjust to in the beginning, but I don't regret it at all.  It's amazing how much cleaner - and less sticky - your car can be when there's no food eaten in it [except for the adults.  We totally still eat food and drink coffee in the front seats :-P].  But it necessitates a little more planning in terms of snacks and meals, when you're going to be in the car for long periods.

We've always been big fans of small independent diners.  Those little places down some quiet road, called So-and-so's Diner where you can get any meal on the menu for a maximum cost of about $6.  So now when we're traveling, we save up our appetites by not snacking, and we wait until mealtime to fill up.  When hunger strikes, I pull out my phone and search Google Maps for the nearest diner that looks appealing.  W follow the directions off the highway to some random country exit, and stop.  We've had mostly great luck with the little places we've found.  There's always plenty of seating, they're very kid-friendly, and so inexpensive.  Often, the entire family is able to eat a huge and satisfying meal for under $30!  It's nice to get a little break out of the car and stretch our legs and be able to talk face-to-face, instead of calling back and forth between the front seat and the back of the van.

I highly recommend you try finding one of America's little gems like this the next time you're on a long trip with your kids.

In Praise of Cyber Monday

I've heard of "Cyber Monday" for the past couple years, but I never actually bothered to venture onto the internet to do my shopping on that particular day.  I didn't realize that basically EVERY website out there offers AMAZING deals.  I'm kicking myself now for having already ordered most of our online Christmas gifts before Thanksgiving.  Next year, I definitely need to hold out until the Monday after.  I didn't realize how good the deals were until about 10:30 last night, at which point I launched a frenzied internet search for a new pair of black boots, which I desperately need.  It was more stressful than it should have been, and I kept calling the exasperated husband up to the computer to show him the new batch of options, and get his opinion.  But I beat the clock, and got the discount!

I ended up getting these boots from Famous Footwear.  Originally $90, but I snagged them for $35.99 with free shipping!  Not bad, Christine, not bad.  There are also many great deals to be found right after Christmas, but I know from experience that boots are mostly sold out by then (especially when you wear the frustratingly hard-to-find size 11), so I didn't want to risk it.

Anyways, I think a lot of sites are still offering partial discounts for the rest of the week.  So if you're going to be doing any shopping online, make sure to get it all in soon!

Rescued Fawn

Early on Friday evening, our next-door neighbors caught Tom as he was outside, and beckoned him in to see something in their house.  They had found a baby deer, crawling along in the middle of the street, and brought it inside.  It was too late in the day to call any animal rescue places, so they hoped to keep it overnight, and call Animal Friends (a "no kill" shelter) in the morning.

We live on the corner house of a quiet street.  Our little bend in the road is made up of nosy neighbors (I use that term fondly) who all peek out the windows and doors to find out what is going on, and chat with each other as they walk by.  So neighborhood news seems to spread like wildfire.  With the exception of our family and some hipster kids who live a few houses down, the block is made up of long-time residents who have known each other for years (and many of whom are related in some way).  So suffice it to say that within an hour, the whole street knew all about the rescued deer.

We got to stop over and see the fawn a couple times.  He(/she) was so small and cute!  And he still had a length of umbilical cord attached, and what looked to be a bit of afterbirth on its back, so he couldn't have been very old at all.  Shortly after they took him into the house, he got up on wobbly legs for what - as far as they know - was the first time ever.

Hard to tell here, but he was only slightly larger than a cat.

Why was he left in the middle of the street?  Well, there are woods nearby.  It seems strange that the mother would have given birth in the street.  But it would also be strange for her to give birth close enough to the road that the baby could have dragged itself (since it wasn't walking yet, presumably) into the road....and then that she would just leave it alone.

The women who had found him didn't really have any way of feeding him.  We gave them an old baby bottle of Sly's, and the rest of our jug of whole milk.  Cow milk and deer milk should be....sorta close, right??  They planned to feed him regularly over the night, then give him up to the shelter the next morning.

I didn't run into the neighbors for the rest of the weekend, so I never got to hear how things went with the fawn.  But this morning (Monday), there was a knock on the door.  It was a man from the Pennsylvania Game Commission.  I told him he had the wrong house, and sent him next door.  Meanwhile, I stood eagerly looking out the side door (becoming a "nosy neighbor" myself) so that I could question him when he passed by again - and make sure that he wasn't planning to put the little deer to sleep!

He came out shortly after with the little fawn in his arms.  I asked what he would do with it.  According to him (and I relate this statement with a bit of skepticism), he will return the fawn to the woods where it came from.  The officer (are they called "officers"?) said the popular belief about how the mother won't recognize her fawn's scent once humans have touched them is just an old wives tale.  Mother deer often leave their fawns alone during the day, he said, but then come back for them in the evening.  If you ever find an "abandoned" fawn, you should just leave it alone (or return it to the nearest wooded area, if it's in the middle of the street, as in this case).  His hope is that the mother will find it, and take care of it again.

I want to believe all this is true.  But as I said, I feel there might be a chance he was just lying for my benefit.  Sort of like when I was in high school and I participated in a veterinary science "apprenticeship" at the community college.  Each week, we had to anesthetize little mice, and perform some sort of unnecessary surgery on them (such as neutering them, or removing part of the spleen), then stitch them back up.  Conscientious teenagers that we were, we were all very concerned about what was done with the mice after they woke up.  The professor assured us that he always "found good homes for them" with his college students.  It was only years later that I realized that had to be a load of BS, and that the mice must have been "disposed of" or used as snake food or something.

Anyways, the moral is: if you find a baby fawn, your best bet is probably to just leave it alone.  And don't call anyone official about it unless there's a true need.

The Flipside of Feminism

Sorry it's taken forever to get this post up - things have been busy. But here, as promised, I will share some select quotes from my recent read The Flipside of Feminism by Suzanne Venker and Phyllis Schlafly.

The book was an engrossing read. I can't say that the writing style was terribly sophisticated. And there were some rather broad generalizations and unreferenced information at times. But the overall message is very powerful, and got me thinking in whole new ways about the social climate of our country.

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"For the past several decades, it has been widely accepted that women in America usually, if not always, get the short end of the stick. According to feminists, women, like blacks, have been oppressed for centruies. We're told not enough progress has been made and that society still hasn't leveled the playing field. This philosophy is so embedded in our culture that Americans don't question it. We don't even label it "feminist" to think this way; it's just commonplace to believe women suffer discrimination....In the meantime, buried beneath the surface lies the truth: American women are the most fortunate human beings who have ever lived. No one has it better. No one." (pgs.13-14)

"...1960s feminists...supposedly picked up where the suffragettes left off. In fact, the two groups have nothing in common. The suffragettes fought for (and won in 1920) the right for women to vote in all 50 states, but they were family-oriented women who had no desire to eradicate female nature. They were also resolutely opposed to abortion. The feminists of the 1960s (and later), on the other hand, are not pro-family. In addition to viewing abortion as a matter of women's "rights," they see the home as a trap for women" (pg. 27).

"The second tenet of feminism is that, of all the injustices perpetuated on women through the centuries, the most oppressive is that women have babies and men do not. The abolition of this inequality is the primary goal. That is why women on the left are compulsively driven to make abortion and day care universally available to all women - and taxpayer funded. Women on the left believe they can achieve equality with men only if they can control the number of babies they have (through contraception and abortion) and can outsource (through nannies or day care) the care of the babies they do have. Eliminate the babies, and the equality goal will be achieved." (pgs. 44-45).

"A major difference between today's generation and previous generations is that in the past, society respected motherhood and all that it entails. Those who didn't choose to make the sacrifice admitted that they couldn't successfully juggle family and career....This is not the attitude of the average young women, who has been raised under the slogan of "choice." Her life is about her, and her alone." (pg. 52).

"The truth is that feminism has been the single worst thing that has happened to American women. It did not liberate women at all - it confused them. It made their lives harder....Their female nature tells them sex requires love; marriage is important; children are a blessing; and men are necessary. The culture, meanwhile, tells them to sleep around and postpone family life because that will cost them their identity. And, if their marriage doesn't work out, it's no big deal. They can always get divorced. Is it any wonder modern women are unhappy?" (pg. 55)

"It would be hard to find a single example in history in which a group that casts more than 50 percent of the vote got away with calling itself the victim, wrote Warren Farrell, Ph.D., in The Myth of Male Power." (pg. 56).

"This generation has no idea how to be married, or even how to go about choosing the right spouse. Two reasons for this phenomenon are often overlooked: (1) men and women have been raised in a culture that refuses to embrace the unique natures of males and females thus their relationships carry unnecessary conflict and strain; (2) most young people have been either directly or indirectly affected by divorce, which has led to a distrust of marriage that, in turn, leads to more divorce." (pg. 71)

"...American women no longer plan for marriage carefully, methodically, and with foresight. Rather, they are encouraged to focus solely on their identities and their careers. The notion that a woman should follow her own dreams, that she should be true to herself and not be held back by husband and children, has become a fait accompli. Women may want to settle down eventually, but marriage (and motherhood) is something that just sort of happens, as if it were a nice accompaniment to an otherwise fulfilling life. To the modern woman, work is the meat of her life. A husband is the salad.

this is a profound transformation. Married couples no longer think of themselves as one unit but as separate entities sharing space, which leads to an obscuring of gender roles and inevitable conflict as each spouse focuses solely on his or her own needs rather than the needs of the marriage." (pg. 75)

"The problem with the sexual revolution is that it was predicated on the lies that gender differences don't exist and that women want what men want. In fact, there was no need for a movement to make men and women equal because they already were equal - different, but equal. The reason female Democrats tell American women "there is still much work to be done"...is that they refuse to admit feminism failed. When you desperately want something to happen and it doesn't, there is always more work to be done. Women on the left are trying to force a square peg into a round hole." (pg. 76)

"For the first time in American history, parents are no longer expected to care for the children they bring into this world. In the past, it was expected that parents would raise their own children - farming this task out to hired help was something only wealthy families did. the reason was not that women "in those days" were oppressed, or because families could [not?] "afford" to do so, as feminists would have you believe. It was because Americans appreciated the fact that children have needs, and that these needs are best met by their own parents." (pg. 100).

"The feminist agenda is not only anti-men and anti-marriage; it is also anti-motherhood. When feminists talk about discrimination against women in a patriarchal society, one of their examples of oppression is that mothers are expected to care for their own children. Feminists demand that this duty be taken over by the government." (pg. 126).

"Single moms are a major target of the female left. The goal is to increase the number of single moms by increasing the flow of taxpayer-paid incentives that subsidize the non-marriage lifestyle. The left expects this plan to lock in single moms' dependence on government and allegiance to the Democratic Party. they respect Ronald Reagan's maxim that goes something like this: If we subsidize something, we'll get more of it; if we tax it, we;ll get less of it." (pg.138) [I think these assertions about the motives are a bit extreme. But that is a very honest view of the situation which I never saw before: that our country effectively subsidizes and thus lends its approval to the "non-marriage lifestyle."]

"When women in the media consistently portray American women as victims, a negative image of men unfolds - and the result is a society in which women think less highly of men. This pattern has morphed into the notion that women don't need men at all, which is why it has now become socially acceptable for women to create families on their own. Mothers who divorce their husbands are exalted in the media, as if single motherhood is somehow empowering." (pg. 145).

"Navigating feminist terrain both inside and outside the workplace has become the new challenge for men in America. The problem is that most men don't want to compete with women - it isn't natural. And taking their colleagues, girlfriends, and wives to task for their feminist beliefs is much too intimidating. Even if men disagree with feminist philosophy, they know they;ll be branded a chauvinist if they speak up." (pg. 151)

And lots more good stuff!! Get the book, read it, share it!!

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Coincidentally, I feel like I have also been coming across a lot of similar anti-feminism ideas around the blogosphere these past couple weeks. A few posts that stood out to me...

1. From The Thinking Housewife:A Marriage in the Spotlight

"The feminist works non-stop even when her marriage is in crisis. Her strength is awesome. Here we see what feminism is really about: the avoidance of pain and intimacy."

2. Also The Thinking Housewife:Choices and Duties

"If women view homemaking as a mere “choice” then men likewise will be inclined to see their wife’s homemaking as optional and be unmotivated to financially support it, denying the woman the “choice” to be a homemaker at all since being a full-time homemaker by definition requires the husband’s support in order to make it practical."

3. Shoved To Them: Overheard