Due to the fact that my blog readership recently jumped from twelve
people (almost all of whom were other Catholic moms like me) to three
hundred people (who undoubtedly represent a more diverse range of
backgrounds), I feel the need to preface this post. Explaining why I've
worn skirts almost exclusively for the past seven years is a topic I've
wanted to write about for a long time - since long before I had a
blog. There's been a lot said on the topic of wearing skirts (at least
if you listen in on the discussions of particular circles), but I don't
often come across people who look at the issue in the same way that I
do, so I feel that perhaps I have one or two unique things to add to
that conversation. This is all about giving an explanation of why I do
what I do. It is in no way meant to be a judgement or condemnation on
other people's clothing choices, and I hope it's not interpreted as
such.
*****
Anyone who has had some exposure to traditional
Catholicism, Evangelical Protestantism, Orthodox Judaism, or a number of
other groups (whether in real life, or on the blogosphere), has
probably come across arguments in favor of women wearing skirts/dresses
instead of pants. While I agree with the sentiment - that it is good
for women to wear such things - I find that my reasons for believing so
tend to differ from those of the other skirt-wearing women I know.
The
skirts vs. pants argument tends to be very polarizing, and anytime it
comes up in a blog post somewhere, everyone gets all offended.
Skirt-wearers accuse the pant-wearers of being immodest and worldly;
pants-wearers accuse the skirters of being frumpy and submissive, and I
think everyone just misses the point.
How To Wear Skirts Practically
I want to first address a common complaint I hear about wearing skirts.
Before
college, I owned maybe one or two skirts. Uncomfortable
elastic-waisted things I only put on when I was forced to dress up for
something. Now, I have a closet full of skirts in assorted lengths,
colors, fabrics - suitable for most any occasion or activity. A lot of
people in the pants-camp say that skirts are impractical and too
constrictive for everyday wear. In defense of skirts, let me say that if
you get the right type, they work well in any weather, and for many
activities.
In the summer, I wear mostly
just-below-the-knee light flowy cotton skirts. I go barefoot as much as
possible, but when I have to go somewhere, throw on some sandals.
In
the winter, I like my skirts as long as possible. My legs are really
long, so skirts that were designed to be ankle-length usually end on my
lower calves. I wear heavy tights under them always - brown or black,
depending on the outfit. I don't understand all the crazy crazy women I
see in the wintertime with bare legs under skirts!! Don't they know
that warm opaque tights exist for that purpose? Around the house, I
might add socks or slippers for extra warmth. Outdoors on a cold day, I
always have on boots. Your legs
will get cold if you wear a skirt without boots in the winter!
Be sensible! When I was in college, and had to do a lot of walking
outdoors, I would sometimes add a pair of flannel pajama pants under the
skirt. They tucked into my boots, and no one ever knew the difference.
My favorite skirts are ones with some "flow" to them. Cotton
does this job well. I also have a few corduroy or other stiff-material
skirts which are sewn in many sections, and so have a nice flare and
movement to them. The straight-sided jean skirt look, or the
unfortunate denim jumper made infamous by women like Michelle Duggar
(God bless her), are not something I would wear. If the skirt is
flowy enough, you can have total freedom of motion (running up and down
the stairs, stepping over the maze of baby gates around the house), just
like with pants. You can sit in any position, and never have to worry
about immodesty, as you might with a short or tighter-fitting skirt.
You can't, say, do cartwheels....but who does that after the age of
eight anyways?
Lest you think I shun all pants, I'll reveal that I
actually own a number of pairs. I still have some dress pants from my
public school teaching days. I'm not really sure why, though, since I
haven't worn them since. I should probably give them away (I've been
hesitating, since they are in perfect shape, and I spent good money on
them). I also have two pairs of jeans that I wear. Mostly, I wear the
jeans when it is practical to do so. If I'm going to be doing anything
where I might get a dirty, maybe taking Sly to the park, I might put on
jeans that day. Or say I know I'll be doing a lot of walking, so want
to switch out my usual ballet flats for tennis shoes. I will NOT wear tennis shoes with a skirt - it just looks terrible!
Skirts: More Modest?
A lot of women who regularly wear skirts argue that skirts are
more modest. Now, anything done out of a true spirit of modesty is
good, and I'm not going to criticize anyone for seeking out a modest
wardrobe. That said, I just feel like this argument doesn't hold much
water. I think it would be
much easier for me to find examples
of immodest skirts than immodest pants. To be fair, though, the factor
that makes a skirt immodest is often relating to its length. To keep
all things equal, then, we'd have to consider short-shorts and booty
shorts as "pants" too. I don't think anyone can say those things are
modest either.
In my opinion, a full-length,
not-skin-tight pair of pants is about equal in modesty to a full-length,
not-skin-tight skirt. And pants might be interpreted as even
more
modest than any skirt short enough to reveal even a tiny bit of
ankle-skin. The only real difference I see with pants that it makes it
clear that (gasp!) women have LEGS. I just don't see pants as
inherently immodest.
That said, I DO see pants as inherently unfeminine. And this is what it all comes down to.
Defending Gender Differences
When I was in college, and had begun to get a real taste of what
the world was like outside my insular suburban neighborhood, I was
incredulous at how often society tried to deny any real differences
between the sexes. A lot of this attitude, of course, is a direct
result of the feminist movement, which instead of saying, "women are
valuable
as women," claims that "women are just the same as men." I think this is the sole reason that the book
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (a little cheesy, but definitely a valuable read for anyone in a relationship) sold as well as it did. Because the idea that men and women are
different just blew so many people away, and finally answered so many questions they'd had about their relationships.
Until sometime in the mid 20th century, this idea of gender
differences was universally accepted, and it played out not only in the
way people dressed, but in the way they talked, they way they thought,
and everything else. There was no gender ambiguity. As the theme song
of All in the Family reminds us, "girls were girls, and men were men."
You knew who was who.
I believe that the way a person dresses both announces and creates one's identity.
The Skirt Experiment
I made a conscious decision that I would start dressing
in a clearly feminine way. This would be my testament to the fact that
gender differences did and should exist, and that I was a
woman -
proud to be a woman as such, and not seeking to dress or act like a man.
While I am a nostalgic sort of person, and do love vintage
clothing, I'm not saying that society should go back to dressing like
people did in the 1940s...or the 1900s...or any other previous period.
Despite the widespread trend towards androgyny in clothing, there are
still some vestiges of gender-specific items remaining (almost all for
women, though, it should be noted), one of the obvious ones being a
skirt (/dress). So in my sophomore year of college, I began
intentionally adding more skirts to my wardrobe.
And it made a big difference. For one, when I would wear a skirt, it made me more
aware
of being a woman, something different and set apart from men. This in
turn, inspired me to try to grow in some of the virtues which are
commonly attributed to women - gentleness instead of brashness,
compassion, charity...things that I needed to work on anyways.
At
the same time, I noticed the changes in the ways that men responded to
me. I'm sure they weren't conscious of it, but something about seeing a
woman in a skirt must have brought out their more masculine (i.e.
protective) sides. This was most notable with the Catholic men I
regularly hung out with, who were already actively working to be
respectful and chivalrous towards women. But it was also true of the
guys around campus. I had many more men hold doors for me, or let me
cross in front of their car on the road when I was in a skirt. I know
this sounds silly. I'm trying trying to say I wear skirts because I
"get something out of it." I don't think I necessarily look prettier in
a skirt either, just more feminine (but perhaps that's the same
thing?). And I think something about that speaks to men, and calls them
to be more masculine - to respond to women in the way men are meant to -
to be courteous and helpful.
The first few months that I started "skirting" regularly, I got a lot of questions from my relatives and my high school friends.
Mostly, "why are you so dressed up?" For a while, I tried to fight
this attitude. I was determined to make wearing skirts "normal again."
I would say, "fifty years ago, women wore skirts everyday, and no one
asked why they were dressed up!". But after a while, I just had to
accept that in this modern culture, women wearing skirts (I'm not
talking about skirts of the super-short and obviously immodest variety)
is
considered dressing up. And I decided to embrace that. I mean, if I
can look like I made an extra effort in my clothing choice without
actually having to put in any extra work...well, that sounds good to me!
Skirts Promote Respectful Formality
At the risk of this post getting way off topic, I'll mention here
that the apparent "dressiness" of my everyday skirt-wearing serves as a
testament to something else that I dislike about our modern age: the
complete lack of formality.
This is most obvious in
clothing. Many companies which required employees to wear a full suit
to the office twenty years ago, are now fine with khakis and a polo
shirt. It used to be that everyone - men
and women - would wear a full suit, hat, dress shoes, etc. when they were going
anywhere.
Now, jeans and t-shirts are the norm (jeans were designed to be worn by coal miners! T-shirts were designed as underwear!). Or even worse - those girls who
walk around college campuses in baggy men's sweatpants and sweatshirts,
and just a ponytail....but look like they spent an hour on their makeup
(what's UP with that?!). Nice restaurants used to send people away if
they weren't dressed up. Now it's acceptable to wear shorts an
flip-flops. It seems like the only people who wear suits anymore are
lawyers and funeral directors. I guess their careers depend on them
giving off an aura of respectability. And few professions these days
are denoted by a special uniform anymore. As I said earlier, I think
the way you dress not only says something about your identity, but it
helps to create it. I think it's important to encourage this in society
- for each person to have and understand his role, his job, his
purpose.
This total descent into casualness in America
doesn't stop at just the clothing people wear. It's also in the way
people interact. When I am introduced to people's children, very rarely
do the parents call me Mrs. _______. It's often "say hello to
Christine." Everyone is on a first-name basis. I'm not saying this is a
terrible thing. But I am saying that it denotes a loss of respect.
I know of stay-at-home moms who spend the day in pajamas or sweatpants, as long as they aren't leaving the house.
I'm not judging people who do that - I know things are busy, and it's
nice to be comfy. But for me personally, it's important that I don't
let myself do that. I think there's some value in getting into real
clothes in the morning, making my hair look presentable, and putting on a
little bit of makeup (just concealer and lipstick) - even if the only
person I'll be seeing all day is my husband, many hours later. If I was
dressed in clothing that suggested "relaxation" and "comfort", then all
I'd want to do all day is lie around being relaxed and comfortable. If
I put in a little effort on my appearance, then it makes me want to put
in some effort in my chores as well. The same principle applies
elsewhere. If you go to the office dressed like a million bucks, you
feel
like a million bucks, and it changes the way you behave as well as the
way other people perceive of you. When a police officer is in uniform,
he
is a police officer. When he's out of uniform...maybe just a "guy".
So I wear skirts because they make me a better woman. I wear
skirts because I want to make a statement - one most people will only
pick up on unconsciously - about how I believe society should be.
