Sweet Moments Back Home

1. For Lent, my husband and I have started praying a daily Rosary.  We had been really good about it for a long time, but when we moved to the new place in October, it just threw our schedule off, and we never picked it back up.  Lent is always a good time to renew your prayer life, so we've finally started this good habit again.

The other day, while we prayed, Sly insisted on sitting in my lap.  He was facing towards me, just sorta talking to himself most of the time.  When we reached the "Hail, Holy Queen" at the end, and spoke the line, "O Clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary...", I struck my breast three times, as you do.  Sly's eyes got wide, and a huge, delighted grin lit up his face.  Mommy was punching herself!  What fun!  He then began beating me with his own fists and laughing, which of course just caused me to crack up too.  Tom valiantly tried to keep leading his family in prayer, but I just couldn't get any more words out.


2. A couple nights ago, Tom had fallen asleep before me, as usual.  I was caught up in my re-reading of one of the Little House books, and couldn't put it down.  When I finally turned out the light, I slid over to snuggle my soundly-sleeping husband for a bit.  I was filled with a sudden gratitude for this wonderful man God had put in my life.  I just began thanking God for him, and realizing how amazing it was that He had made us both, and then brought us together to love each other.  As I'm in the midst of this rapture of loving feelings towards him, Tom suddenly snaps angrily, "Can you move over?!  I have, like SIX inches of the bed!!".  It was as he'd struck me.  I quickly rolled over to my side, trying very hard not to cry.  Of all the times that he had to be mean!

I was upset about it that night...but the next day, we were both laughing about it :-)

Dealing With Other People's Kids

Okay, so this is something I've been wondering about for a while now, and I thought I'd throw the question out to some more experienced moms....What should I do when other kids are "misbehaving" towards my son, and the other kid's parents don't notice?

Scenario 1: I give Sly a snack, which he's eating happily.  A bigger kid comes over and grabs it away.  Sly holds out his hands saying, "eh eh", asking for it back.  Older kid says, "no!  it's mine!" and walks away with it, leaving Sly looking sad and confused.

Scenario 2: Sly is at a playground, and blocking the path another kid wants to take.  The older kid shoves him down, yelling, "MOVE, baby!"

Both these things have actually happened, as well as various similar incidents.  And most of the time I just sorta stand off to the side, watching uncomfortably, unsure how to react.  Half the time, the offending child's parent will have noticed, and they come over to correct them.  But what happens when they don't?  What am I entitled to say or do to the other kid??

Sly playing with other kids at the pumpkin patch last October (no incidents occurred that day)

One thing - besides my natural shyness - that makes this a difficult situation for me is that I only feel equipped to deal with kids who are Sly's age or younger.  Sly is eighteen months old now, so through experience with him, I feel like I have a pretty good handle on where kids that age are developmentally.  I know what things they should understand and react to.  If there's an older kid involved, though, I just feel like I'm at a loss.  I don't know what "works" with them.

Would other parents be offended if I somehow corrected their child verbally?  If I physically took back some object the kid had grabbed from my son? I have a feeling they might....But can I just sit back and let it happen?

How much of a difference does it make if I know the other kid's parent?

Sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't even intervene, as long as no one's getting hurt?  You know, let Sly develop a tougher skin and learn how to navigate the complex world of social interactions himself.

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Mad Men

I hardly watch any television - I gave up on letting myself become attached to any particular shows years ago.  It just became too stressful when I had to miss an episode, and I hated how I was starting to organize my life around TELEVISION programs.  Dumb.  But from time to time, I do like to watch certain series once they have been released on DVD.  One of these is Mad Men - Tom introduced me to it, knowing I'd enjoy it.  And now I'm way more into it than he is.  I just drool over the 60s costumes and decor.  I love period pieces!  The story lines are well-written and dramatic, and the acting is high quality.

So, ever since my friend helped me finish making my silly "vintage" dress (from a 1957 Vintage Vogue pattern)...

and my mother-in-law gave me the awesome vintage "atomic" aqua and gold glasses...

which happen to match my vintage "atomic" aqua and gold chip-n-dip bowl...

and since I know Tom has his own appropriate 60's-esque attire...

I REALLY WANT TO HAVE A MAD MEN PARTY!!

The next season premieres in March.  And AMC is even offering a chance to win free "party packs" to help you host one (which look pretty cheesy, but there might be a few cool things in there).

But I have two problems:
1. We don't have cable.  So we can't watch it here.
2. NONE of our friends watch Mad Men!!

Bummer :-(

Our Homemade Valentine's Day cards

Tom and I both started working on our cards the night before Valentine's Day, at 10:00 pm.  I worked upstairs in the office, and finished a little after midnight.  Tom finished around 12:30am, and then suggested we go downstairs, drink a bit of wine, and exchange them right away...seeing as how it was technically Valentine's Day already anyways.

I know, it was stupid to stay up so late, but it was a sweet little moment.  Tom gave me my card first.

Pittsburgh - where we met, fell in love, and hope to remain living for the rest of our lives (at least if I get my way) - is famous for its inclines, which carry people up and down some of our many hills.  Tom cut out pictures of us on our wedding day, and made us riding towards each other on an incline.  Cheesy, but cute...


Then I handed him his card.  We're both huge Frank fans (that's Frank Sinatra, of course), so I decided to write the lyrics to one of his classics, Fly Me To the Moon, using little drawings in place of some words.  I wasn't sure if Tom would be able to decipher what all of them were, so each picture is actually a flap you can lift to reveal the correct lyric underneath.  He didn't need to use it, though, since he knows the song so well.

Fly me to the moon

let me play among the stars

let me see what spring is like

on Jupiter and Mars

in other words, hold my hand

in other words, baby, kiss me

(here's where I took a shortcut and just wrote out 

most of the words)

I. love. you.

We decided this will become our new Valentine's tradition.  A nice, thoughtful, and simple way to celebrate!

Valentine's Day

 Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  I don't think Tom and I have ever really celebrated it before, beyond perhaps exchanging cards.  I just feel like there are so many other "more legitimate" holidays during the year for which we're already getting each other gifts or going out to spend money...my birthday, his birthday, our anniversary, Christmas...and now Mother's Day/Father's Day (because Sly is still too young to do anything for us himself). 

I did spend yesterday afternoon with some lady friends, making chocolate-dipped strawberries, Oreos, and pretzels.  My boys have already devoured them, so I didn't get a chance to get a picture.

We decided a few days ago that we would just make each other homemade cards this year.  I was seriously just expecting to break out the construction paper and glitter, and make the same sort of creation I would have made in elementary school.  I really thought that would be sufficient.  But then Tom started asking me mysterious questions about where my scrap fabric was kept, and where certain electronic parts were....so now I feel some pressure to do something a little more original! 

Tom's working from home today, so I don't really have much privacy to sit and work on my card.  I think tonight after the toddlerman's in bed, I'll have to barricade myself in the office and come up with something...I will try to share our creations on here in a few days.

Home

Home again, home again!  And oh, does it feel good.

I need some time to get things in order here.  It's been two months since I've vacuumed, or mopped, or put away...anything.  But soon, I hope to resume a more steady posting schedule.  I hope to finally finish the little room-by-room "tour" of our no-longer-new home.  Thanks for the patience.  And all the many many prayers which have been doing such good.

Why I Wear Skirts (Hint: It has nothing to do with modesty)

Due to the fact that my blog readership recently jumped from twelve people (almost all of whom were other Catholic moms like me) to three hundred people (who undoubtedly represent a more diverse range of backgrounds), I feel the need to preface this post.  Explaining why I've worn skirts almost exclusively for the past seven years is a topic I've wanted to write about for a long time - since long before I had a blog.  There's been a lot said on the topic of wearing skirts (at least if you listen in on the discussions of particular circles), but I don't often come across people who look at the issue in the same way that I do, so I feel that perhaps I have one or two unique things to add to that conversation.  This is all about giving an explanation of why I do what I do.  It is in no way meant to be a judgement or condemnation on other people's clothing choices, and I hope it's not interpreted as such.


*****

Anyone who has had some exposure to traditional Catholicism, Evangelical Protestantism, Orthodox Judaism, or a number of other groups (whether in real life, or on the blogosphere), has probably come across arguments in favor of women wearing skirts/dresses instead of pants.  While I agree with the sentiment - that it is good for women to wear such things - I find that my reasons for believing so tend to differ from those of the other skirt-wearing women I know.

The skirts vs. pants argument tends to be very polarizing, and anytime it comes up in a blog post somewhere, everyone gets all offended.  Skirt-wearers accuse the pant-wearers of being immodest and worldly; pants-wearers accuse the skirters of being frumpy and submissive, and I think everyone just misses the point.


 How To Wear Skirts Practically

I want to first address a common complaint I hear about wearing skirts.

Before college, I owned maybe one or two skirts.  Uncomfortable elastic-waisted things I only put on when I was forced to dress up for something.  Now, I have a closet full of skirts in assorted lengths, colors, fabrics - suitable for most any occasion or activity.  A lot of people in the pants-camp say that skirts are impractical and too constrictive for everyday wear. In defense of skirts, let me say that if you get the right type, they work well in any weather, and for many activities.

In the summer, I wear mostly just-below-the-knee light flowy cotton skirts.  I go barefoot as much as possible, but when I have to go somewhere, throw on some sandals.

In the winter, I like my skirts as long as possible.  My legs are really long, so skirts that were designed to be ankle-length usually end on my lower calves. I wear heavy tights under them always - brown or black, depending on the outfit.  I don't understand all the crazy crazy women I see in the wintertime with bare legs under skirts!!  Don't they know that warm opaque tights exist for that purpose?  Around the house, I might add socks or slippers for extra warmth.  Outdoors on a cold day, I always have on boots.  Your legs will get cold if you wear a skirt without boots in the winter!  Be sensible!  When I was in college, and had to do a lot of walking outdoors, I would sometimes add a pair of flannel pajama pants under the skirt.  They tucked into my boots, and no one ever knew the difference.

My favorite skirts are ones with some "flow" to them.  Cotton does this job well.  I also have a few corduroy or other stiff-material skirts which are sewn in many sections, and so have a nice flare and movement to them.  The straight-sided jean skirt look, or the unfortunate denim jumper made infamous by women like Michelle Duggar (God bless her), are not something I would wear.  If the skirt is flowy enough, you can have total freedom of motion (running up and down the stairs, stepping over the maze of baby gates around the house), just like with pants.  You can sit in any position, and never have to worry about immodesty, as you might with a short or tighter-fitting skirt.  You can't, say, do cartwheels....but who does that after the age of eight anyways?

Lest you think I shun all pants, I'll reveal that I actually own a number of pairs.  I still have some dress pants from my public school teaching days.  I'm not really sure why, though, since I haven't worn them since.  I should probably give them away (I've been hesitating, since they are in perfect shape, and I spent good money on them).  I also have two pairs of jeans that I wear.  Mostly, I wear the jeans when it is practical to do so.  If I'm going to be doing anything where I might get a dirty, maybe taking Sly to the park, I might put on jeans that day.  Or say I know I'll be doing a lot of walking, so want to switch out my usual ballet flats for tennis shoes.  I will NOT wear tennis shoes with a skirt - it just looks terrible!


 Skirts: More Modest?

A lot of women who regularly wear skirts argue that skirts are more modest.  Now, anything done out of a true spirit of modesty is good, and I'm not going to criticize anyone for seeking out a modest wardrobe.  That said, I just feel like this argument doesn't hold much water.  I think it would be much easier for me to find examples of immodest skirts than immodest pants.  To be fair, though, the factor that makes a skirt immodest is often relating to its length.  To keep all things equal, then, we'd have to consider short-shorts and booty shorts as "pants" too.  I don't think anyone can say those things are modest either.

In my opinion, a full-length, not-skin-tight pair of pants is about equal in modesty to a full-length, not-skin-tight skirt.  And pants might be interpreted as even more modest than any skirt short enough to reveal even a tiny bit of ankle-skin.  The only real difference I see with pants that it makes it clear that (gasp!) women have LEGS.  I just don't see pants as inherently immodest.


That said, I DO see pants as inherently unfeminine.  And this is what it all comes down to.

Defending Gender Differences

When I was in college, and had begun to get a real taste of what the world was like outside my insular suburban neighborhood, I was incredulous at how often society tried to deny any real differences between the sexes.  A lot of this attitude, of course, is a direct result of the feminist movement, which instead of saying, "women are valuable as women," claims that "women are just the same as men."  I think this is the sole reason that the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (a little cheesy, but definitely a valuable read for anyone in a relationship) sold as well as it did.  Because the idea that men and women are different just blew so many people away, and finally answered so many questions they'd had about their relationships.

Until sometime in the mid 20th century, this idea of gender differences was universally accepted, and it played out not only in the way people dressed, but in the way they talked, they way they thought, and everything else.  There was no gender ambiguity.  As the theme song of All in the Family reminds us, "girls were girls, and men were men."  You knew who was who.

I believe that the way a person dresses both announces and creates one's identity.  


The Skirt Experiment

I made a conscious decision that I would start dressing in a clearly feminine way.  This would be my testament to the fact that gender differences did and should exist, and that I was a woman - proud to be a woman as such, and not seeking to dress or act like a man.

While I am a nostalgic sort of person, and do love vintage clothing, I'm not saying that society should go back to dressing like people did in the 1940s...or the 1900s...or any other previous period.  Despite the widespread trend towards androgyny in clothing, there are still some vestiges of gender-specific items remaining (almost all for women, though, it should be noted), one of the obvious ones being a skirt (/dress).  So in my sophomore year of college, I began intentionally adding more skirts to my wardrobe.

And it made a big difference.  For one, when I would wear a skirt, it made me more aware of being a woman, something different and set apart from men.  This in turn, inspired me to try to grow in some of the virtues which are commonly attributed to women - gentleness instead of brashness, compassion, charity...things that I needed to work on anyways.

At the same time, I noticed the changes in the ways that men responded to me.  I'm sure they weren't conscious of it, but something about seeing a woman in a skirt must have brought out their more masculine (i.e. protective) sides.  This was most notable with the Catholic men I regularly hung out with, who were already actively working to be respectful and chivalrous towards women.  But it was also true of the guys around campus.  I had many more men hold doors for me, or let me cross in front of their car on the road when I was in a skirt.  I know this sounds silly.  I'm trying trying to say I wear skirts because I "get something out of it."  I don't think I necessarily look prettier in a skirt either, just more feminine (but perhaps that's the same thing?).  And I think something about that speaks to men, and calls them to be more masculine - to respond to women in the way men are meant to - to be courteous and helpful.

The first few months that I started "skirting" regularly, I got a lot of questions from my relatives and my high school friends.  Mostly, "why are you so dressed up?"  For a while, I tried to fight this attitude.  I was determined to make wearing skirts "normal again."  I would say, "fifty years ago, women wore skirts everyday, and no one asked why they were dressed up!".  But after a while, I just had to accept that in this modern culture, women wearing skirts (I'm not talking about skirts of the super-short and obviously immodest variety) is considered dressing up.  And I decided to embrace that.  I mean, if I can look like I made an extra effort in my clothing choice without actually having to put in any extra work...well, that sounds good to me!


Skirts Promote Respectful Formality

At the risk of this post getting way off topic, I'll mention here that the apparent "dressiness" of my everyday skirt-wearing serves as a testament to something else that I dislike about our modern age: the complete lack of formality.

This is most obvious in clothing.  Many companies which required employees to wear a full suit to the office twenty years ago, are now fine with khakis and a polo shirt.  It used to be that everyone - men and women - would wear a full suit, hat, dress shoes, etc. when they were going anywhere.  Now, jeans and t-shirts are the norm (jeans were designed to be worn by coal miners!  T-shirts were designed as underwear!).  Or even worse - those girls who walk around college campuses in baggy men's sweatpants and sweatshirts, and just a ponytail....but look like they spent an hour on their makeup (what's UP with that?!).  Nice restaurants used to send people away if they weren't dressed up.  Now it's acceptable to wear shorts an flip-flops.  It seems like the only people who wear suits anymore are lawyers and funeral directors.  I guess their careers depend on them giving off an aura of respectability.  And few professions these days are denoted by a special uniform anymore.  As I said earlier, I think the way you dress not only says something about your identity, but it helps to create it.  I think it's important to encourage this in society - for each person to have and understand his role, his job, his purpose.

This total descent into casualness in America doesn't stop at just the clothing people wear.  It's also in the way people interact.  When I am introduced to people's children, very rarely do the parents call me Mrs. _______.  It's often "say hello to Christine."  Everyone is on a first-name basis.  I'm not saying this is a terrible thing.  But I am saying that it denotes a loss of respect.

I know of stay-at-home moms who spend the day in pajamas or sweatpants, as long as they aren't leaving the house.  I'm not judging people who do that - I know things are busy, and it's nice to be comfy.  But for me personally, it's important that I don't let myself do that.  I think there's some value in getting into real clothes in the morning, making my hair look presentable, and putting on a little bit of makeup (just concealer and lipstick) - even if the only person I'll be seeing all day is my husband, many hours later.  If I was dressed in clothing that suggested "relaxation" and "comfort", then all I'd want to do all day is lie around being relaxed and comfortable.  If I put in a little effort on my appearance, then it makes me want to put in some effort in my chores as well.  The same principle applies elsewhere.  If you go to the office dressed like a million bucks, you feel like a million bucks, and it changes the way you behave as well as the way other people perceive of you.  When a police officer is in uniform, he is a police officer.  When he's out of uniform...maybe just a "guy".



 So I wear skirts because they make me a better woman.  I wear skirts because I want to make a statement - one most people will only pick up on unconsciously - about how I believe society should be.