Conversations with Sly

 At 21 months, he's still not saying too much that's discernible as English.  But his speech gets funnier every day.

Tom: "Sly, are you going to be nice to the new baby?"
Sly: [nods]
Tom: "Really?!"
Sly: "uhhhh....no."

Sly: "What's that?!" [said in a very excited squeal at least 10,000 times a day]
Me: "It's an iPod"
Sly: "iBop! iBop!"

Sesame Street: "This episode was brought to you by the letter X..."
Sly: "A!!"
Sesame Street: "...and the number 10"
Sly: "Nine!!"
(Well, at least he knew which was a letter and which a number?)

Anytime we finish praying the Rosary (and once, embarrassingly, right as Mass ended)
Sly: [very loudly] "YAYYYY!!!"

The Isolation of the Modern Housewife and Mother

I just read Jennifer Fulwiler's recent article at The National Catholic Register, and this really resonated with me:

There are some advantages to moms blogging about their kids. The isolation issues that many stay-at-home moms face is no joke. As we've discussed before, it's unnatural for people to live utterly cut off from any real community, as is the case with moms who are outside of the workforce. Blogs give women in these situations a way to share stories and feel close to one another

There was a link within that sentence to an older article of hers, and there I found this second gem:

When I studied anthropology in college, one of the things that stood out to me the most was the element of community: In pretty much every time and place outside of modern Western culture, people lived around family all their lives. The average person was surrounded by brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. For women, the work of raising children was not done alone: Younger nieces and cousins would help with the little kids, the women would socialize as they gathered water or washed clothes, all the children playing together around them. This is the kind of life we were designed for.

In contrast, the average modern woman who is out of the workforce lives her life on a suburban desert island. The nearest family member lives miles (if not thousands of miles) away. She doesn’t know all the people on her street, and not many of them have kids anyway. If she’s like many Americans, she’s moved within the past few years, losing any sense of community she’d built in the last place she lived. Any opportunities for socializing with other women involve the herculean effort of packing up all the kids in the car to drive somewhere. She doesn’t even have the age-old mother’s release valve of banishing the kids outside and telling them to come back at mealtime, since safety concerns mean she has to keep them within sight at all times.

This is an incredibly unnatural way to live.

I have to say that I totally agree.  When there are no other stay-at-home moms around you, life can be lonely for the woman trying to go it alone at home all day.  And when there aren't moms home, there aren't going to be kids around for your own kids to play with.  In fact, the whole sense of community and neighborliness is compromised.

Quoting myself from a previous post:

In a neighborhood where all the moms stay home, they get to know each other.  They see each other around.  Their kids play together.  It builds community.  When moms are at work all day, kids are either away at some sort of daycare of after-school program, or under orders to stay in the house.  Kids don't go outside anymore, because there's no one to watch over them if they do.  Kids don't play with other kids on their street.  Moms don't know each other.  So their husbands don't know each other.  Suddenly, everyone's a stranger, and no one feels safe letting their kids out to wander anyways.  So kids stay inside playing video games and watching TV all day, because that's "safe."  Kids work out their strong need for socialization at home with texting, twitter, the internet...which are all poor substitutes for real human contact.

 Also, see the excellent blog Free-Range Kids for more thoughts on this and similar issues.

Rescued Fawn

Early on Friday evening, our next-door neighbors caught Tom as he was outside, and beckoned him in to see something in their house.  They had found a baby deer, crawling along in the middle of the street, and brought it inside.  It was too late in the day to call any animal rescue places, so they hoped to keep it overnight, and call Animal Friends (a "no kill" shelter) in the morning.

We live on the corner house of a quiet street.  Our little bend in the road is made up of nosy neighbors (I use that term fondly) who all peek out the windows and doors to find out what is going on, and chat with each other as they walk by.  So neighborhood news seems to spread like wildfire.  With the exception of our family and some hipster kids who live a few houses down, the block is made up of long-time residents who have known each other for years (and many of whom are related in some way).  So suffice it to say that within an hour, the whole street knew all about the rescued deer.

We got to stop over and see the fawn a couple times.  He(/she) was so small and cute!  And he still had a length of umbilical cord attached, and what looked to be a bit of afterbirth on its back, so he couldn't have been very old at all.  Shortly after they took him into the house, he got up on wobbly legs for what - as far as they know - was the first time ever.

Hard to tell here, but he was only slightly larger than a cat.

Why was he left in the middle of the street?  Well, there are woods nearby.  It seems strange that the mother would have given birth in the street.  But it would also be strange for her to give birth close enough to the road that the baby could have dragged itself (since it wasn't walking yet, presumably) into the road....and then that she would just leave it alone.

The women who had found him didn't really have any way of feeding him.  We gave them an old baby bottle of Sly's, and the rest of our jug of whole milk.  Cow milk and deer milk should be....sorta close, right??  They planned to feed him regularly over the night, then give him up to the shelter the next morning.

I didn't run into the neighbors for the rest of the weekend, so I never got to hear how things went with the fawn.  But this morning (Monday), there was a knock on the door.  It was a man from the Pennsylvania Game Commission.  I told him he had the wrong house, and sent him next door.  Meanwhile, I stood eagerly looking out the side door (becoming a "nosy neighbor" myself) so that I could question him when he passed by again - and make sure that he wasn't planning to put the little deer to sleep!

He came out shortly after with the little fawn in his arms.  I asked what he would do with it.  According to him (and I relate this statement with a bit of skepticism), he will return the fawn to the woods where it came from.  The officer (are they called "officers"?) said the popular belief about how the mother won't recognize her fawn's scent once humans have touched them is just an old wives tale.  Mother deer often leave their fawns alone during the day, he said, but then come back for them in the evening.  If you ever find an "abandoned" fawn, you should just leave it alone (or return it to the nearest wooded area, if it's in the middle of the street, as in this case).  His hope is that the mother will find it, and take care of it again.

I want to believe all this is true.  But as I said, I feel there might be a chance he was just lying for my benefit.  Sort of like when I was in high school and I participated in a veterinary science "apprenticeship" at the community college.  Each week, we had to anesthetize little mice, and perform some sort of unnecessary surgery on them (such as neutering them, or removing part of the spleen), then stitch them back up.  Conscientious teenagers that we were, we were all very concerned about what was done with the mice after they woke up.  The professor assured us that he always "found good homes for them" with his college students.  It was only years later that I realized that had to be a load of BS, and that the mice must have been "disposed of" or used as snake food or something.

Anyways, the moral is: if you find a baby fawn, your best bet is probably to just leave it alone.  And don't call anyone official about it unless there's a true need.

How is Sly Doing?

Hey, for anyone who's been keeping up with my blog, hoping for updates on Sly's condition since the accident, I want to say THANK YOU for your patience, support, and dedication.  I hate that this is true, but it's still going to be some time before I can say much about it all publicly.  But I want to express again how grateful we are for all the thoughts and prayers you all offered to us while we went through the worst of it all.  As soon as I'm able, I will explain in detail how his healing is going, and finally post some pictures.

Today

Four years ago today, my good friend Tom called me up to ask if our previously-planned "just friends" tour of a historical house could be upgraded into a "date"

...and the rest is history.

How to Shop Second-Hand part 1

Yesterday I sent Tom a text: "I just trash-picked a dresser, 3 extension cords, and a putty knife!"
He replied: "YEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!"

You see, all three of those items are things that we've been "needing" for awhile now. 

Our friends often ask us how we manage to find such great items and amazing deals on second-hand items.  I think I can honestly say that 90% of our "stuff" (not including food, cleaning products, and drugstore items) is second-hand.  Of the remaining 10% which came into the house "new", most of it was given to us as gifts.  We try never to buy something new if we can find it used in workable condition.

 And my first tip on how to do that would be, as demonstrated by yesterday's trash-picking scenario, to not be "too eager" to have something right away.  We try to make do without some item we want (or borrow it from someone else) while we wait for a good deal to crop up.  And if you always have a list of things you're "looking for" in the back of your head, you will definitely find some of them eventually if you're being attentive.

For example, Tom and I bought a filing cabinet from Goodwill when we moved to this house.  We didn't realize at the time that it didn't have the metal inserts in the drawers that you hang the folders off of.  It's annoying, but not an emergency or anything.  We priced them out at some stores, and they're way too expensive.  So we're just waiting for some to come our way, while our file folders sit in stacks inside the drawers.  A few months ago, we actually found ONE file holder at Goodwill.  So one drawer is good now!  The other day, Tom was tipped off about a closeout sale at Office Depot, and called to ask if there was anything we were looking for.  I reminded him about the file holders.  Unfortunately, they were already sold out.  But I just wanted to demonstrate my point: if it's something you can wait on, do so.  Eventually, something always comes along.

A motto I try to live by.  This print (from Etsy) is hanging on the wall, and is actually itself an example of "making do", since we were on the lookout for several months for a free or cheap frame for it.  Coincidentally, my dad was getting rid of one that was the exact dimensions we needed, so we took it and painted it white.

 Tom and I both enjoyed shopping at thrift stores and garage sales even before we started dating.  You can come across some great and unique finds there.  But once we were married and determined to survive on one income, a thrifty lifestyle also became a matter of necessity.

So where does all our stuff come from?  We go to thrift stores for fun.  Probably once a week or so.  If we're driving in a new neighborhood or town, and spot a thrift store, we get really excited and pull over to check it out.  In the summer, we check out yard sales, church flea markets, and estate sales (we pay attention to signs and bulletins for them around the neighborhood, and occasionally check the PennySaver).  We check Craigslist often when there's a particular item we haven't been able to find elsewhere.  We willingly accept cast-offs from friends and relatives (as long as it's something we'll actually use).  And, yes, we pick up furniture and other items left on the curb on trash night.  We don't dig through trashcans or anything like that, so I don't want to give anyone that impression!

I think this is an even more important tip about thrifting: you have to go often, even when there's nothing in particular you're looking for!  You never know what you'll find....pretty serving dishes, a useful kitchen gadget you didn't have yet, tools that you know you'll need "someday", a book you've always wanted to read...

But I think to really make the most of living with second-hand stuff, you have to actually enjoy it.  For us, it's fun to find great deals and cool things that you can't buy in regular stores.  We enjoy feeling like we've spent our money sensibly, and that we make the most out of things we already own.

And I really believe you can actually find higher quality things that are second-hand anyways.  I could go to Ikea and buy a crappy particle-board dresser for $50 that will fall apart in a year or two.  Or I can go on Craigslist and find a solid wood one with much more character for $30.  Or...I can find one for free in someone's trash.  True, the dresser I picked up yesterday should be sanded and repainted.  And we will probably decide to change out the handles for more attractive ones.  But the work is worth it for something that will last.



So, to re-cap the rules so far:
1. Be willing to wait for an item to turn up.
2. Check out thrift stores and other second-hand sales OFTEN, even when you don't know what you're looking for.
3. Enjoy it!


I called this entry "part 1" because I know I still have a lot more to say on the subject.  In future entries, I hope to discuss a few more useful rules/tips, some "strategies" for buying things second-hand (and what are some good things to look for), and maybe show some examples of some good finds we've made.

If you have any of your own thrifting tips to share, I'd love to hear them!

This Time Around

When I was pregnant with Sly, I was pretty concerned about doing things by the book. 

I didn't touch caffeinated drinks or alcohol the entire time, our of fear of harming my baby.  With this pregnancy, though, I find myself a bit more relaxed on "the rules".  I pretty much totally abstained from caffeine/alcohol in the first trimester.   That's when it matters most, since it's when the baby's major organs are developing.  But also, I usually just felt too sick most days to even want coffee or wine or anything.

Once I hit the second trimester, I was able to relax a bit, knowing that the baby was alive and healthy. I told myself, "you know what - if I want to drink a beer or a glass of wine every now and then...that's alright.  If I'm dying for a cup of coffee, then I'll drink one."  I mean, you have to figure that pregnant women had been drinking alcohol for centuries before anyone had an idea that it could be harmful.  And I'm sure most of their babies turned out just fine.  I know some doctors hold to a strict "no alcohol whatsoever" stance for pregnancy, but this seems to be mostly a precaution.  If they said "drinking is okay in moderation", you know some people would go just hear "it's okay" and go overboard.

The good thing (I suppose) is that since I hardly ever drink coffee or alcohol now, I have a pretty low tolerance for them both.  Which means I usually only manage to get through half a glass of something before I start to "feel it" and know it's time to stop.  Half a glass - I really do think that's alright. 

Now that I look obviously pregnant, though, I can't get away with ordering alcohol if we're out anywhere.  I mean, I could legally.  But I'm terrified that people would judge me and think I was a terrible mother or something for drinking a beer with dinner.

Anyways, what's the reason I'm writing about all this now, when I should be in bed?  Tonight I went out for coffee with some of the moms from the Catholic Moms group.  I forgot that I can't drink coffee in the evenings anymore.  I used to be able to down a big cup of coffee right before bed, and have no trouble falling asleep.  But twice in this pregnancy, I have had a small cup of coffee after dinner, and then couldn't fall asleep until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning.  Soooo....I think I'm going to be awake for a while still.  Oops.