Just in case anyone was wondering.
Today is my due date. I know plenty of people go past their due date, so I really shouldn't be complaining or feeling as disappointed as I am. Since my other kids came a little early, I was just totally mentally prepared for the same thing to happen this time around. And then it didn't. It's that darn "wild card third baby" thing everyone talks about.
I've never felt so "ready" before, though. When I went into labor with Sly a week early, I had been fully anticipating going past my due date. It took me five hours of contractions to finally admit to myself that it was the real thing. I didn't have my bags packed or the car seat installed or anything fully set up yet. When Stella came five days early, I still hadn't finished knitting her baby blanket or picking up any of the little baby items we needed to replenish. But this time around, the bags (one for me at the hospital, and one for the kids for wherever they end up staying) are fully packed and waiting in the car. I have purchased every last thing I "need" for the baby (including his very own pacifier clip, which I suddenly felt the urge to run out and get yesterday). Everything is laid out and set up. I've been extra on-top of the laundry to make sure no one will run out of clean clothes or diapers for the few days when I'll be unable to wash things. I'm ready.
The most discouraging part was that last night at my midwife appointment, she had to initiate the discussion about all the things that would need to happen as I continued to stay pregnant past my due date. I had to schedule a couple non-stress tests for next week. And if nothing happens after two weeks, I'll have to head in for the dreaded induction.
If I was planning on having an epidural for the birth anyways, I'd absolutely be saying "sign me up for that induction TODAY! I am sooooo ready to get this baby out." But as I'm hoping for another natural birth, enduring the tortuous (and quite unnatural) Pitocin-induced contractions I've heard so many horror stories about is absolutely not what I want. I know that I can deal with the sufferings and pains of birth, but I'm not a martyr.
It's frustrating too, because I have a lot of things I need to get done for the new house - appointments to schedule, etc., but I have to just keep my schedule open, because I have no idea when the baby might arrive. I can't put anything on the calendar. I've shown up to a few social events in the past few days that I had been assuming I wouldn't be able to attend....and then just feeling rather depressed that I'm there at all, because it means I didn't have my baby yet, as hoped. I haven't been planning any meals or keeping many groceries in the house, because I worry I may end up not using them and letting things go to waste. So every dinner for the past week has come out of a sort of a last-minute scrounging effort, once I've admitted to myself that this day is, unfortunately, not going to be the day either.
Sorry for all the complaining in this post. I know I'm not being very rational right now.
Anyways, I should go see what sort of dessert I can whip up from things we have in the pantry, since today is the Feast of the Annunciation...another great potential birthday for any little babies who might decide to be born today....(please, baby!).