Thursday, October 11, 2012

On Barely Getting By

A recent post on Shoved To Them has been running through my mind all day.  In it, Rebecca (a.k.a "The Mom") seethes over how expensive it has become just to survive.  Lately, I've found myself adjusting and readjusting numbers in our budget, trying to make things "work".  And I was finding it harder and harder to find the money for the things we needed.  I was aware that the cost of things like gasoline had definitely gone up, but it didn't all sink in until I read this post, and realized that it's happening everywhere: living costs for everything are getting way more expensive, but people are still making the same amount of money as before.

And I don't really know what we can do about it.  Since getting married, and especially since Sly was born and we were determined to have me stay home with him - I've had to learn so much about being frugal and getting by with much less than I was used to.

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We've cut down our spending in so many ways:

We don't buy anything new if we can reasonably get it second-hand instead.  Or sometimes we make it ourselves, as in the case of one of our baby gate on the basement stairs....made out of wood Tom scavenged from somewhere.

When something breaks or is no longer usable, we scavenge it for parts before throwing it away.  Tom removes the screws and bolts from furniture (and keeps the wood as scrap), saves the wires and cords from electrical things, I remove buttons from unwearable clothes (and then cut them into rags).  Seriously. Nothing goes in the trash that is not actually trash.

We use cloth diapers, baby wipes, napkins, and rags.  We don't buy any paper products anymore except toilet paper (and I'm really working on my husband to agree to switch to cloth for that as well!)

I haven't bought anything "fun": new clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc., since we were married...except a few things which I purchased with birthday money from my mother-in-law (with the strict instruction that I MUST spend it on myself).

The thick black or brown tights I live in all winter (I mostly wear skirts, remember) have had at least five holes sewn up on every pair.  Same with socks and gloves.  I'd love some fresh ones, but we can't afford it. 

I do as much grocery shopping as possible at Aldi (which has the cheapest prices, hands-down, for almost everything).  The items I can't find there, I get at one of three other places (based on where it's cheapest), and always generic, if possible.  I only buy meat when it's on a BOGO sale or otherwise very inexpensive, and I severely ration my meat-loving husband's portion sizes of it.  I've had to learn how to cook various new (read: cheap) cuts of meat (it usually involves some combination of lots of marination, pounding it with the meat hammer, and cooking it for a really long time).  I make most of our meals from scratch and without elaborate ingredients.  We eat leftovers for lunch, or something cheap like ramen.

We save all gift bags and tissue paper we're given for re-use.  We make our own greeting cards out of pictures we cut from magazines (given to us free), because they cost too much to buy.  We are shameless re-gifters.

We wash out plastic baggies and pieces of aluminum foil to reuse them.  I save the envelopes we get with our bills and mail other things in them (we pay the bills online, to save the price of the stamp).  Tom brings home scrap paper from the office, and we use the blank side to print things on.

As much as we love our cats, we've talked about how we kind of wish we didn't have them, so we didn't have to buy their food and litter every month.  They do not get taken for check-ups at the vet.

We use our contact lenses way longer than you're supposed to, so we only use the paid-for-by-insurance pairs.  We got our eyeglasses for $10 a pair (frames and prescription lenses!) at Zenni.  Shampoo, conditioner, etc. comes from the dollar store.

Tom either walks or rides his bike to his job downtown, so we don't have to pay for gas/parking, or buy a monthly bus pass.

We don't have air conditioning for the summer, and we keep the thermostat at a frigid 62.5° in the winter, which is the coldest I can stand (because, of course, the house feels much colder than that).

We canceled our newspaper subscription.  We don't get cable (well, technically we have "basic cable" which means essentially the networks + 3 home shopping networks + PBS+ EWTN.  But only because it's strangely cheaper to have internet with cable).

We get the cheapest cell phones possible and only when our 2-years are up and it's almost free (and, I'm a little embarrassed to admit, we're each still on our own family's "family plan", so don't actually pay the phone bills on those...).  We don't have smartphones, a laptop, a tablet, an e-reader, etc.  We listen to vinyl records we buy at the thrift store, or music on the (old desktop) computer.

If we ever go to the movies - which is basically never - we only go to the dollar theater.  And only when we can get free babysitting from parents.  We don't go out to eat.  We don't order pizza.  We never have beer or wine in the house anymore.  We don't pay for admission to the zoo, the science center, etc. (we wait for the occasional "free days"). 

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And there are so many other little things like this.  We've already tightened our belts so much.  I don't think there's a lot more we can do.  (Seriously, what more can we do?  If you have ideas, tell me, because I need them!)

My husband is a hard worker.  He's a very good and honest employee and does his job well.  But he still doesn't make a ton of money, and besides, it's hard these days to support a family on a single salary.  He studied history, philosophy, and anthropology in college.  It's not like he can get a job in his actual "field".  He hates the corporate world, but that's where he is, and we need him to keep making the money.  Once you have a family, you can't just start over again in an entry-level position in some other field.  He talks about maybe finding a second job, but we haven't found anything that would work for the family yet.  I wish I were an interesting enough writer to make money through blogging, or crafty enough to sell stuff on Etsy or something...but I'm just not.  And even so, I don't know if I would have the time/mental sanity to be the mom and wife I want to be and also take on a part-time job.

For the most part, we've accepted being broke, and understand that it's probably helping us to become more holy.  But sometimes I just wish I could get a coffee at a coffee shop with friends every now and then, and not feel guilty about it.  I wish we could invite people over for dinner without worrying about all the extra mouths to (pay to) feed.  I wish we could get invited to a wedding, and actually feel happy about it, instead of getting all stressed out about the gift we'll have to buy.

So anyways, reading that blog post was reassuring in some ways.  We're not the only ones feeling this financial crunch!  It really is hard to get by.  But at the same time, it was pretty discouraging to realize that.  I mean, if it was an issue of something we were doing wrong, then we could change things and hope for a better situation.  But if if we're already doing all we can and it's not working, then....what?

21 comments:

  1. I love this post because its honest, and because its nice to find someone else as frugal as I am. It's painful to work so hard to survive only to find yourself drowning anyway. I have no words of wisdom. I can only say that you're not alone. We're living there too, and it stinks.

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    1. Thanks for visiting, and for your original post that helped me to realize all this. Here's hoping things somehow get easier..

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  2. I'm sorry. :( All I have to offer is my own experience. We were in a similar predicament last year and I decided to start a business teaching music lessons. I teach two nights a week and am away from home about six hours total each week. In return, we are more comfortable now. I was so worried to leave the kids home with my husband those two evenings, but I think even they benefit from our financial security. I hope and pray you find a solution for your family (and that the economy turns around - egads!)

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    1. Thank you for the prayers. We'll continue to look for other sources of income.

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  3. AMEN! To.this.whole.entire.post. We are in a very similar situation. I about nearly had a fit when 2 friends set wedding dates about a month and half apart from each other and right before Christmas. Ack! The dresses! the showers! the travel! the gifts! I almost said no but then just decided that I'd work it out with my budget somehow. Sometimes I just get so frustrated that it's so hard to live regular life when we are budgeted down to exact pennies sometimes.

    Have you seen that show on TLC called something like "The Biggest Cheapskates"? They seriously have the best ideas on how to be frugal. I bet you could find Youtube videos online to watch!

    xoxox

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    1. I haven't seen the show, but it sounds like one I would enjoy (and benefit from!). I like a lot of the shows on TLC, but only get to watch them when I'm visiting parents, etc.

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  4. We are in the same boat. Brian works a second job at Staples two nights a week and one Saturday and I tutor about two hours each night of the week. Next school year I plan to branch out on my own tutoring and then I'll make even more. The tutoring really provides us a safety net to fall back on and I love getting out of the house for those few hours each week. Without the tutoring, we'd be in desperate need of many things. And we could probably cut back on our cable plan, but it's my sanity at two am when Noah is screaming. lol Anyways, we will pray for you guys and please know you are not alone. I feel guilty going out without Brian and buying fancy drinks and such because I know it's really money we don't have. Thank you for your post. It made me feel better because I know others are going through it, too. Staying home to raise kids is truly a sacrifice and a choice. Some days that seems more worth it than others. God bless!

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    1. I stopped tutoring because it was getting so hard after we moved. My mom (a.k.a. my babysitter) lives on the other side of the city from me, and students always want to get tutored right around rush hour, and the huge amount of extra time, driving around, etc. just to tutor someone for a short time wasn't worth it. Maybe there's some other way to make it work...

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    2. Those things are hard to overcome. Especially with gas prices skyrocketing it's hard to justify driving all that way to tutor. Price of gas almost doesn't make it worth it. I meet most of my kids 5:30 or later. The hard part is building up the students. The easy part is keeping them and getting them to tutor when YOU want to. Once you build up trust and the parents and kids know you are good, they will meet you anywhere at anytime. I tutor mostly around dinnertime which would probably stink for you but since Brian's working two of those days anyways, dinner doesn't happen together no matter what. I will admit that scheduling all the kids can be overwhelming at times, but the money it brings in is so worth it. Trust me, though, I"m already counting down to Christmas break! :)

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  5. Have you thought of taking in a child during the day for another working family? I am currently working (and might have to continue after we have a baby) and I'd love to find a great mom like you to help with childcare.

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    1. I'm open to the idea of this (though it would take a lot of thought and discussion before taking on something so huge!). I don't know of anyone right now who might need something like this. Also, I'm afraid we might not be able to fit a third carseat in the car, in which case, it might be a no-go. Thanks for the idea (and the compliment). I will keep my ears open, and pray about it.

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  6. Do you really need the internet at home a lot? I switched to NetZero, you get 10 hours a month. It uses a modem and your phone so if I need something faster I go to the library. Do the libraries by you offer free internet? Here they have free wifi plus computers with the internet (and Microsoft Office) for people without laptops. If your husband needs the internet to work from home, see if they will pay for it, otherwise switch to something free.
    Also, I have don't use cable. I have an antenna. My mom uses a tabletop one for the spare bedroom at her house, too. We get all the major stations for free. Plus Qubo which is all my 4 year old watches. To keep up with cable shows and movies, I rent dvds from the library. They have current stuff (The Avengers! Hunger Games! etc.) plus tv shows (Downton Abby, Game of Thrones, Sopranos, etc.)
    As a single mom, I have to watch my budget, too.

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    1. ahhh - less internet?! haha - This is actually a topic of major argument between my husband and I. Yes, I could probably *survive* with only 10 hours of internet a month, only using it for necessary things like paying bills, looking up important info, etc.. But it would make life a bit harder and definitely less enjoyable in ways. Communicating with friends, looking at photos on facebook, having the ability to hear any song or see any video on a whim via youtube, and especially reading all my favorite "mom blogs" ...well, some days these sorts of things keep me sane! Good to know this is an option, though. I might have to look into it.

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  7. I am with you...it is rough! One thought about child care...think about night shift care. I used to be asingle mom that worked night shift as a nurse. Finding child care is a nightmare for people. It'd be easy money I think...just a thought.

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    1. hmm, yeah - I never thought about that. I wouldn't even know where to find people needing this, though? What do you do, post an ad to Craigslist saying that you're willing to offer childcare? Either way, taking on the responsibility for someone else's child is a HUGE decision. I'll definitely have to think about this more, and see if it would be something I could do. Thanks for the suggestion.

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  8. A friend shared your blog with me probably a year or so ago and I read occasionally. I wanted to say that we were where you are, the first several years of our marriage (we were married 13 years ago), financially. We're still not GREAT, especially with the gas prices and price of so many goods going up. My daughter and I also have to adhere to a gluten-free diet because of gluten intolerance. Anyway, my husband was working in a "professional" position as a reporter for a weekly paper, but it was pretty much entry-level salary. He had pretty much no chance for advancement and the paper was struggling and they couldn't ever offer him more money. I worked until after our daughter was born. Once she arrived, we knew he couldn't stay in that position. He sought a daily news reporter position. That still didn't pay well at all, I wasn't working, we had to move away from family (no childcare, if I had wanted to go back to work), so we moved yet again. My husband DID change jobs. He took an overnight stock clerk job. It was crummy pay, but we lived closer to my in-laws (they provided VERY occasional babysitting if we needed it). But, my husband was then trained to become an assistant manager. While the state we lived in at that time was not affordable (we lived in Section 8 housing and could never get ahead, even when there was a pay raise), it offered that training and then we moved yet again (away from family) to where we are now. My husband is not making a ton of money, but at least we're stable. We can afford our mortgage, our groceries (with coupon clipping, making a meal plan for the week and only purchasing the things we absolutely need), I buy our clothes almost exclusively at thrift stores, etc. But, we also do have a little bit of extra so that my daughter can take swimming lessons and we do town recreation programs. We homeschool, so I have to buy books (often they are 2nd-hand or on the rare occasion I get freebies).

    I do know where you're coming from. It wasn't without many tears shed, many sleepless nights, and much anguish that we made our decisions to make the moves we did. In the end, it proved to be fruitful. We met people along the way, we learned a lot about ourselves, and we grew as a couple. It wasn't easy (especially packing up housefuls of things when our daughter was 7 months old, then 18 months old, and again when she was 3 years old).

    Through all of that, I have NOT worked outside the home. We recently had a time when we anguished over whether I should find a part-time job because things really are getting expensive. But, we've decided to figure out where we can do some belt-tightening. I've started back up with our computer-based budget spreadsheet and I challenge myself weekly to keep my grocery bill under X-dollars. Some weeks I simply can't, but I've been really congratulating myself most weeks for keeping well under budget. I've also been making various "sides" in large portions when I can get certain ingredients at a discount and then I freeze the extras for future meals.

    You're in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that you're not alone in these thoughts. I probably could have written this blog post almost word-for-word about 7 or more years ago.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your story. It is good to hear some people telling me that though it's still tough, things tend to get better after some time.

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  9. have you thought about putting ads on your blog, christine? that could be a good source of "just for fun" money!

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    1. Not a bad idea. Do you do that through Blogger, or elsewhere?

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    2. Yep, you can do it through blogger. I think there's a button on the main page that says "monetize". Or you can join an ad network, like Blog Her!

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  10. you could show blog how you save $ at the store by using coupons. (Not the silly extremem couponing, but plain old sensable grocery shopping)... when you start mentioning brand names the big corps start coming to you

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