Tom was feeling sick this morning, but decided to go into work anyways. When I finally rolled out of bed and got the kids down to the kitchen (oh, about 10am....I know, it's bad), I texted him to ask how he was feeling.
Tom: "Tired, weak, and sluggish, but other wise fine. Thanks you for asking, though...you asking makes me feel a little better already ;)"
Me: "That previous comment didn't sound like you at all...you MUST be sick!"
Not that I necessarily want my husband to be that sappy with me all the time, but a little sweet comment here and there surely wouldn't hurt. I feel like he was much sappier with me while we were dating. I know that things change, and definitely our love is deeper and more tested now after several years of marriage. But it would be nice to see that love-struck look in his eyes every now and then. To hear him say how much he loves some little thing about me.
Sometimes I ask him to be more romantic towards me, and he has no clue what it is I want. He asks me for examples, but I feel like that just defeats the purpose. Romantic gestures, to me, means doing something sweet and unprompted for the one you love.
We realized long ago that we have different "love languages" [take the quiz, if you haven't already - It can be very enlightening!], and this is probably part of the problem. Because I have to constantly remind myself that, "Hey, when Tom scooped the cat litter after dinner, he was letting me know that he loved me...even though to me, it just seemed like a chore he should be doing anyways." And he has to constantly remind himself, "Hey, if I want to make my wife feel loved, I should actually sit next to her while we watch this movie instead of on the other side of the room where I'd be more comfortable."
Of course...if one spouse started doing this regularly, I would think it could stir up some of those old lovely "feelings" (feelings aren't love, but they can make love easier) in the other. And then maybe the romantic gestures would be reciprocated, without having to think about it.
Can romantic gestures generate deeper love between spouses? Maybe. At the least, they could probably lessen friction and misunderstandings. So it's something to work at.
Has anyone tried to do this consciously in their marriage? Any tips?